My Roommate Is A Jackass
By Kyle Foster
On July 3rd, 2007, rather late at night, my friend and roommate Josh (picture shown above), aged a mature 26 years, decided to douse himself in lighter fluid, ignite said fluid, and leap into our pool before any "...serious harm," was done.  Despite my repeated warnings and tactics at dissuading him from performing this feat reminiscent of several shows on television of late, his mind was made up.  I know what you're thinking, but no, he wasn't drunk or under the influence of anything other than our other roommate, Paul (picture shown below). 
Paul is 25, and as you can see from the picture, generally the voice of reason and mature discipline around the house.  Regardless, these two together were far too much for one normal guy to control, so we headed outside to the pool.  Don't look at me like that...someone had to be there to call 911 in case it went worse than expected, to hold the beers, and to film the event.  THAT'S RIGHT!  There is film of this taking place!  It's not the greatest, probably not going to be winning me an Oscar anytime soon, but hey, I was drunk.
Now, this should really go without saying, but the film on the following page displays abnormal human behavior in a very dangerous context.  DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME OR ANYWHERE ELSE! It's a sad day when you can't even tell a story of brash stupidity without being concerned about the very real possibility of a lawsuit biting you in the ass, but I'll leave the cultural ranting for another time.  So anyway, if you agree that you will not attempt to imitate the completely retarded stunt you're about to see on the next page, click 'Enter'.  If you think you may not be able to prevent yourself from doing that, or if you are concerned about what you may see, or anything else anyone can think of as a reason not to watch the video, click 'Exit'.
I swear on pain of death that I nor anyone I've ever met will ever sue Kyle, Josh, Paul or anyone they have ever met for anything I may or may not see on the following page.
I'm a lawsuit-happy piece o'garbage and only want to watch the video so that I can then sue Kyle, Josh and Paul for harming my precious little snowflake-esque mind.